Mom: “Hey Robbie, remember when you wanted to find dad the perfect gift? I think I found it, come here.”
Robbie walks over and proclaims, “Fu** yeah!”
Mom: “Robbie, remember what your dad and I ask for Christmas? We asked for you to stop using that language.”
Robbie: “Christmas is over.”
The two continue shopping.
Robbie: “I want Taco Bell.”
Mom: “You know Taco Bell gives me the sh*ts.”
The two continue to look around.
Mom: “I think I found you the perfect gift. Better than that sh** your dad bought you.”
2. A very large woman walks up the counter and is looking to
return an item.
Woman: “I need to return this bra.”Cashier (who is female): “What bra?”
The lady pulls down the front of her shirt.
Cashier: “The bra you’re wearing? Sorry, but we don’t sell bras.”
Woman: “I need to return this. My stupid idiot of a man bought this for me and it makes me look fat.”
Cashier: “I’m sorry but we can’t return items that we don’t sell.”
Woman: “Get me the manager.”
The manager (who is male) comes over to help.
Manager: “How can I help you?”
Woman: “I need to return this bra right here.” She unbuttons part of her shirt, which looks to fluster the manager.
Manager: “We don’t sell bras, and so there would be no way for us to return it.”
Woman: “Look! My dumbass of a man bough me this and it doesn’t fit me right. It pushes everything out making me look fat. Now I need to return it.”
Manager: “Can you call and ask your husband where he bought it?”
Woman: “Sh**, he ain’t my husband. He don’t shop nowhere else.”
The lady calls and puts the phone on speaker. The guys on the other end answers.
Woman: “They ain’t letting me return this stupid ass bra. Where you buy it?”
Guy: “At the mall.”
Woman: “Where in the mall?”
Guy: “At the lingerie store.”
Woman: “You know my big ass t*tt*es ain’t fitting in no Victoria Secret.”
Guy: “I didn’t get it at Victoria Secret.”
Woman: “Where did you get it then?”
Guy: “At the big lady store.”
Woman: “Bit**, where did you get the fu**ing money to be shopping at the mall? Sh**!” She hangs up the phone. She returns talking the store employees, “Can I return this or what?”
Manager: “We don’t sell bras, and so there would be no way for us to return it.”
Woman: “Mutha fu**ing Walmart returns things that weren’t bought there.”
Manager: “Sorry ma’am.”
Woman: “I’m calling corporate on y’all’s asses.” She storms out of the store mumbling loudly, but undecipherable.
